WMM Contributor

Game On, Mom!

By WMM Contributor: Maura Metz

If  Moms Getting Ready in the Morning had Sportscaster Commentary


Announcer 1: And we’re off to the races, folks! It’s 4:36 a.m. and the baby is crying.

Announcer 2: The question is can mom get her back to sleep?

Announcer 1: Will she pull it off? She’s getting out of bed. Uh oh! She tripped over The Very Hungry Caterpillar in the hallway, but she didn’t fall!

Announcer 2: She’s got baby, and she’s trying to rock her back to sleep.

Announcer 1: Baby is not having it.  But mom has a trick up her sleeve! She’s going for the pacifier.

Announcer 1: A controversial move! Some may judge her, but it seems to be working! Baby is having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

Announcer 2: Close but no dice! Baby is crying again. She is not a happy camper.

Announcer 1: Does mom have another trick up her sleeve?

Announcer 2: She’s going for the boob! Smart call, mom. The hormones in breast milk will give you a good shot at getting baby to sleep.

Announcer 1: Baby’s eyes are closed! She did it! Baby fell back asleep!

Announcer 2: I wouldn’t be spiking the ball yet. She’s going to have to set the baby back down in the crib with ninja-like skills so she doesn’t wake up.

Announcer 1: Mom is lowering baby. Baby is still asleep. Baby is—oh no! She’s up again.

Announcer 2: Baby is back in mom’s arms. Mom is looking defeated. Ladies and gents, this means we are officially starting our day.

Announcer 1: Well, on the bright side, the early start means she might get to work on time.

Announcer 2: I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

Announcer 1: We’re on to our first diaper change of the day.

Announcer 1: Just a wet diaper! Easy peasy.

Announcer 2: But it does look like baby has a bit of a diaper rash, so she is going to apply some cream. And *Ding! Ding!* Mom is making a mental note that the cream is running low, and she needs to buy more at Target.

Announcer 1: And now it looks like she’s going to get baby dressed for the day. Good move. Way to be efficient.

Announcer 2: She went with the dinosaur body suit with ruffle butt pants.

Announcer 1: Baby is looking objectively adorable! Oh, but wait—she used the last onesie. *Ding! Ding!* That’s another mental note. Mom needs to remember to do baby’s laundry tonight.

Announcer 2: And with baby content for the moment, it’s time for mom to get herself ready for the day.

Announcer 1: With dad out of town, how will mom get her shower in?

Announcer 2: She needs to get creative.

Announcer 1: She’s setting baby in the bouncer chair next to the shower. Baby is starting to get cranky. Can she wash up before baby has a full meltdown?

Announcer 2: Wow! She has the shampoo in her hand and it looks like she is actually going to wash her hair, folks.

Announcer 1: It’s been three days since she washed her hair, and mom is going for it!  Uh oh! Baby is not happy to be away from mom. She is getting pretty upset.

Announcer 2: Mom is attempting to calm her with a one-woman a cappella show. “You are My Sunshine.” Good choice!

Announcer 1: Mom is attempting to shower at lighting speed! And she’s out! Four minutes! That’s a new record. Pre-kid 20-minute-shower you would be really impressed, mom.

Announcer 2: Let’s see what happens next. She is going to blow dry her hair. How is baby going to take the noise?

Announcer 1: It might be too loud. She might not—wait! Shocking twist. Baby fell asleep to the sound of hair dryer.

Announcer 2: Big victory for mom who doesn’t have to go to work with sopping wet hair!

Announcer 1: Okay! We’re making progress, folks. Mom set baby on the bed, and she’s getting dressed.

Announcer 1: And baby is up again and wanting mom.

Announcer 2: Mom is fully dressed and picking baby up.

Announcer 1: Now they are headed downstairs. She programed the coffee maker last night and is headed for that sweet, sweet cup of joe!

Announcer 2: Oh no! Mom brain strikes again. Looks like she forgot to put the coffee grinds in, and all she has is a hot pot of water. She’s going to have to dump it out and re-make it.

Announcer 1: While the coffee brews, she is going to look for some breakfast. She’s looking at the eggs. Now she’s looking at the box of cereal.

Announcer 2: And she’s going for the granola bar. Not the most filling, but it’s easy to eat with one hand.

Announcer 1: Things are looking up for mom! Her coffee is ready. Being showered and caffeinated almost makes up for the six hours of broken sleep she got last night.

Announcer 1: There’s still a lot of time left on the clock! It’s only 6:45 a.m. What will she do?

Announcer 2: She’s playing with baby. Looks like she’s shaking a rattle, reading a book, and going in for a little tummy time.

Announcer 1: Way to get some quality time in, mom!

Announcer 2: Baby is getting cranky. They started their day early, and it’s time to nurse again.

Announcer 1: Mom looks like she’s starting to experience some breastfeeding pain, but she is hanging in there.

Announcer 2: Way to persevere, mom. See a lactation consultant if you need one!

Announcer 1: Well it’s time to get going! Off to daycare and work.

Announcer 2: You know what time it is?

Announcer 1 and 2: Bag time!

Announcer 1: Let’s gather them up! Lunch bag. Laptop bag. Diaper bag. Pumping bag. Tote bag with refill diapers for daycare.

Announcer 2: Is she going to be able to take all of that and the baby in the car seat?

Announcer 1: YES! She is victorious! Only one trip to the car for this mom with arms of steel.

Announcer 2: Wait. Oh no. What’s that smell?

Announcer 1: Oh boy. Looks like we have a gold medal blowout diaper on our hands here. Mom is setting everything down, unbuckling baby, and going to do a complete outfit change.

Announcer 2: Oh, she was so close to making it on time to work today! But it looks like she’s is going to run out of time.

Announcer 1: You can try again tomorrow, Mom. Chin up. Be proud of your hustle.

Announcer 2: Stay tuned for next week as we follow a mom with two under two on her first day back from maternity leave!

Announcer 1: And a mom of kindergarten twins who insist on wearing leotards and tutus to school in the dead of winter.


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