By WMM Guest Contributor: Amy Buck-Conrad
Dear Pregnant Mamas,
Wow! What a time to be pregnant! This certainly isn't what any of us were expecting when we found out we were expecting. So much change. So much turmoil. So much uncertainty. It's easy to become overwhelmed or fearful. But, isn't that really what pregnancy is? A time of change? A time of uncertainty? A time of letting go of control?
As a bonafide type A personality, this is not my jam. I like a plan. I like predictable outcomes. I like answers.
As a bonafide type A personality, this is not my jam. I like a plan. I like predictable outcomes. I like answers. However, what I learned with my previous experiences is that regardless of what is going on in the world around you, pregnancy and those things do NOT go hand in hand. I am 1 in 4 that has suffered a miscarriage. There was no control or predictability in that. Later, with my first bundle I thought I would be birthing like so many before me. Like the stories you hear and what you see in the movies. My little girl had other plans. She found her comfortable spot in my belly in a breech position and despite many efforts on my part and a successful ECV, she went back to where she was comfy and demanded "her own door" and I ended up with a cesarean birth.
I don't share these stories, both of which were very hard for me, to scare you or put more concerns in your head. What I want is to try to offer perspective. In times where you find yourself out of control, instead of acting as though you are, or being crushed under the what-ifs, I offer this alternative. Focus on what is in your control. You can control your perspective, your attitude, your actions, the information you take in, and the support you seek out. You can open your mind to alternatives beyond what you envisioned and take time to consider what is truly most important to you.
As a c-section mama, I have had a very strong desire for a VBAC. But I need to be comfortable with the fact that may not happen. I have hired a doula for additional support, but I need to accept that she may not be allowed in the hospital to be by my side, whether I labor or not. I envisioned my daughter wearing her Big Sister shirt to the hospital to meet her baby brother, but we might not get that. But what I will have on the other side of this is a full heart, a new life, and a complete family.
And so, when things creep in that start to rattle me about what the world will look like in mid-May when this little man joins us, I have to focus on that. Those other things are important in my vision of what I had wanted, but I can’t control those things. I can control my perspective on what is most important, my new family.
I can control my perspective on what is most important, my new family.
I can control my attitude and try to relax, leveraging my supports, friends, therapy, and some yoga or meditation. And I open my mind to the prospect of alternatives that I might not even see yet. Because pregnancy, no matter when you do it, or what the world looks like when you do, is a wild ride. So hang in there mama, you got this, take a deep breath, and enjoy what you can. And remember, you are not in this alone.
Sending love and support,
32 weeks pregnant